Enos and Jacob

I’ve been meeting with the LDS missionaries for months now.  We took a 4-6 week break during the holidays when schedules just got too crazy.  But, now we’ve been meeting again and I really enjoy the ladies and the relationship I have with them.  One of the bonuses of inviting the sisters come to my home and teach me lessons is they always invite one of the neighbors to come with them.  Perhaps for accountability, perhaps for companionship and help.  I’m not sure.  Whatever the reason, it works to my advantage because 1) I might meet one of my neighbors whom I haven’t met before 2) now I get to witness to three LDS people instead of just two 3) the possibility of me building a lasting relationship with one of my neighbors is much greater than building a lasting relationship with a missionary because my neighbor is here to stay and not moving on in 18 months.

I had agreed to continue to read the Book of Mormon for each weekly lesson.  I’m not giving any ground by reading the BOM.  I’ve completed 1 Nephi, 2 Nephi is next except that 2 Nephi is incredibly long and apparently, very boring for some.  So, we agreed I would read Enos, equivalent in length to the book of Jude.  Perfect.  I said I would read the BOM but told them my priority is to complete my Bible reading first and I don’t have much time to commit to reading the BOM but will do a little bit.  

Our meeting last week was spent discussing the book of Enos.  They asked me what questions I had and oh, I had questions.  The subject of Enos wrestling with God was brought up.  In discussing verse 2, one of the missionaries said “I love the picture that he wrestles with God.  I mean, he didn’t really wrestle with God--that would be silly.”  I was a bit surprised because I’m so familiar with the story of Jacob wrestling with God and it is cross referenced in the BOM to Genesis 32:24.  When I brought up this fact they were shocked.  They had never heard of the story of Jacob wrestling with God.  So, we opened up our Bibles and read the entire passage.  It lead to other discussions of stories in the Bible and how deep and magnificent and perfect they are.  My neighbor had heard of the story of Jacob (she’s a little older and wiser than the 20-something missionaries).

After the lesson with the missionaries I received this text from my neighbor:

So, tonight is our first study!  We only committed to once a month as both of our schedules are packed.  But it’s something, and it’s motivated me to once again really dive into my Bible and study, not just read.  I’m excited about what might happen through this opportunity.

And all because I invited the missionaries in.  To God be the Glory!!

Lord, carry me on

Life marches on.  Sometimes it's the most enjoyable ever and sometimes it's the most difficult thing I've ever done.

The moments when I am preparing dinner and get to watch life from afar . . . . the kids playing together, conversations, problems solved, problems created.  I try to draw those moments in and not let go.  Like now--Jordyn spreading Playdoh paraphernalia all over my computer while I'm trying to type.  It's annoying but delightful.

Then there are moments of pure, carnal survival.  Get dinner on the table, eat, clean, to bed.  Quickly.  Before I kill someone.  This usually happens when Trent is on the road and I'm losing steam.  Say, night three of herding four children.

And today--Medicaid transport decided to not show up to get L and take her to part 3 of 4 for a neuropsych evaluation.  Trent was home from his work trip at 12:30 a.m. and decided to stay home for the morning.  Luckily he took Morgan to ballet while I took L to her neuropsych eval.  And L was feeling a little insecure so I went in with her while they did the testing.  That was weird and interesting.  Needless to say I can't wait to see what the results say; to get some sort of diagnosis that can lead us to better parent her will be helpful.

Last weekend we had a birthday party for L at the local's version of Chuckie Cheese.  With the bio parents there and the last set of foster parents where her sisters are currently.  It went as well as it possibly could but still awkward.

At her 5th birthday party

And finally, our church had a pastor candidate come and preach.  It went well and it was refreshing to be 'preached at'.  We didn't make it to the Q & A that evening but have heard mixed reports.  We'll see.  

I'm trying to meet with a couple gals for mentorship/accountability.  I'm excited simply about the prospect of this working out . . . . . I'm only suspicious that neither of them drink.  In Washington this just was unthinkable that you wouldn't sit down for a glass of wine with someone.  Just kidding.  It's just not along my 'normal' lines.  It'll be good for me . . .

Mentoring and transitions

We had an awesome holiday time and now, spoiled as we are, an awesome vacation.  L went to respite and one night stayed with her sisters in her original foster home.  There is a tiny bit of guilt in not taking her with us but the logical, sensible side knows she can't even handle going out to eat, so to take her on a trip would be a disservice to her.  She wouldn't succeed and none of us would have fun.

So, we took a much needed break to San Diego.  It was the best trip we've taken as a family with children.  It was relaxing and fun and we didn't try to squeeze too much out of each day. Just took it as it came and it went great!!  We ended up at SeaWorld one day and the beach the rest.  Perfect in my book.

L's mom has been doing her part to get her children back.  We talk on the phone at least once at week at length.  She says she's never seen L so mentally healthy and wants to know everything we're doing.  This week when we spoke I could sense some of the fear in getting L back because she has been so uncontrollable.  Soon L will be going to her mom's apartment for the weekends and back to our home during the week.  This will probably continue until school is out for the summer.  The case manager has mentioned mentoring and her mom would really like me to mentor her.  Others have really warned us against this because you become to 'vested' and it can become frustrating when things don't go like you envisioned.

This view on mentoring makes sense but doesn't strike me as a 'Christian' decision, if I may. Is that really our worldview??  "Don't want to get too invested in these people because I might show them a bit of Light and Salt."  Now, there needs to be some really hard and fast boundaries but goodness sakes, I'm being handed the opportunity to show some love and I think there is a duty to do it.  So hopefully, we find a middle ground somewhere and I can help, but not enable or be held responsible if her parenting doesn't hold up.

And in other news, Trent and I have resorted to going to a Sunday School class instead of church service.  The class is so good and the teacher is such a good leader AND teacher that it's hard to pass up the biggest opportunity we have to learn and be discipled.  Next week we have a pastoral candidate to preach.  As Trent says, may he have survived 1993 and may he not be from Idaho Falls.  Uggg.

Survivor

We have had whatever ailing bug has been going around this countryside.  I'm tired of it.  Sick of it, literally.  It's so frustrating to be so sick for so long.  Thankfully today was the first day of school and head start AND the first day I've felt well enough to do anything beyond the basics.

When you're used to four kids and you have three hours with only two, it's almost like you've won the lottery.  Especially when one child clinically probably counts as three.  Goodness sakes.

The good news: we survived Christmas with flying colors.  L (foster child) did so well.  She had some issues the few days after Christmas but the day of Christmas she was so happy, thankful, happy for others.  It was great to watch and see and for everyone to have a great day.  She really has made some progress since being here.  She's still a great disruption to our household but so much better than when she arrived.  Keep praying--it has to be so hard to start attaching yourself to a foster mom but miss your bio mom like crazy.  Your heart is in two places but your body is stuck in one.  There's a part of her that knows it's better for her to be at our home until her mom is healthy but she still doesn't like it.  And that's OK.

Our beloved neighbor Ethel Ann passed away at the great age of 89.  To think I only knew her for 1/89th of her life!!  She was wonderful and so active at such an old age.  I was able to go to her service; of course at the 5th ward in Iona.  My first LDS funeral.  It was a great service and not too long.  Probably much thanks to the fact her husband is 92 and wouldn't last through any longer service than they had.  She was a spunky lady with tons of personality--no wonder I loved her so much.

We survived the holidays.  Only part of the Christmas cards were mailed.  The other are sitting in a pile waiting to be assembled.  Some day.  Maybe Valentines??

Merry Christmas??

Indefinite respite for LJ continues at our home.  We received an e-mail last week from her CASA stating she would be with us through the new year.  To make things clear, we had agreed to keep her for as long as possible if her sisters stay at a nearby foster home.  But we really had not planned on Christmas.  Or New Years.

I've done respite enough in Washington to know how foster kids destroy holidays.  Christmas is hard on traumatized kids and try to wreck it for everyone.  So I as I read the e-mail she was staying, I felt the tears come.  I needed a new frame of mind and quickly.  The pitiful side of me thought 'my Christmas is over'.  The stubborn side of me thought 'I can do this!'.  At worst she will have a raging tantrum all day (which she has proven capable of) and make at least one of us miserable (the one stuck dealing with her).  At best, she might be distracted by the festivities and make it through.  She seems to have no attachment to Christmas and no traditions so we might not fare too badly.

Then I thought about the spirit of Christmas.  What is it really about?  The presents?  The tradition?  My family?  Not really . . . . it's about Jesus and what he did for us.  He in all of his glory and splendor decided to condescend to us.  The broken ones.  The pitiful ones.  It's like something valuable and shiny and beautiful getting shoved into a pile of stinky trash.  And he chose this path knowing what was going to happen.  He willingly gave up his glory to come to us.

Maybe . . . Possibly . . . . like giving up a Christmas and giving it to God.

"This is yours Lord.  I want it bad.  I want the whole thing for myself but since it's yours, I'm giving up control and giving it back.  Do what you want with it.  If it turns out bad, so be it.  If it turns out great, so be it.  The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Obedience is messy.  Surrender is messy.  Community is messy.  But Jesus makes it perfect when it's all about Him.

Merry Christmas

It's been two months since a post!  Holy Moses.  Lots is happening around here.

There was nothing and then . . . holidays, foster kiddos, putting the house/garden to bed for winter . . . . go, go, go.  Getting the house ready for winter took more time than we had thought.  Or at least I finally admitted defeat and told Trent he had to take some time off work so we could get it all done.  So he graciously did and in the time of two days, we had most of it tackled.  Good thing because precisely 6 days after the sprinklers got blown out there was 6" of snow on the ground.

Our latest news is: church stuff and one extra kid.  We'll start with the extra kid.

What began as 'emergency respite' has turned into 'indefinite respite'.  I knew about the foster care phone calls when they say 'this placement will just be a week or two' and then six months later you still have the child.  But, I've never heard of respite turning into long-term.  This 4-yr-old has been interesting and definitely has taken all of our free time to corral her and teach her how to control herself.  Not that we've accomplished that in three weeks but it seems a tad bit better.  We've gotten more of the history in the last few days and my stomach turned.  The possibilities are disgusting and explains this child's want to control everyone and everything in her path.

In the process I've learned how great my kids are.  I didn't like to brag before, but now, I'm bragging.  My kids are awesome.  They deal with this disruption in our household like troopers.  Only Morgan has gotten a little off kilter but she's starting to understand a little more, too.  Jordyn cracks me up because her 6th sense has kicked in and keeps her distance from the foster child.  I caught her sneaking up behind LJ (foster kiddo) and grabbing her (Jordyn's) blanket and yelling 'Mine!' at her.  It's the first time I'd heard her say that word.  Trent and I are trying to focus on the circumstances surrounding why she's in foster care because if we didn't, we'd be frustrated with LJ's behavior all the time and it would be hard to love her.  Prayers surrounding her would be great.  I believe her battle is primarily spiritual and secondarily pathological.

Church:
We had a reach out event to the LDS community and it was awesome.  The most people our church has ever had in its sanctuary.  It was encouraging.

Not so encouraging: no pastor.  It will soon be a year that we've been without a pastor.  It's hard.  There's no vision, no hiring of staff (worship pastor resigned long ago and has never been replaced).  Then I tried out for the worship team.  The most disorganized mess I've witnessed for what was supposed to be 'auditions'.  And since that time I've concluded I don't think I want to be a part of the worship team anyhow.  It's a very cliquey group and the same family has been in charge for years.  One new person is not going to change that, especially with no direction from leadership.  So, 1990 Maranatha songs live on.

I continue to meet with the Mormon missionaries each week when our schedule allows.  It's a fun and sometimes frustrating time.  I love the gals but they view the Bible through their LDS lenses and it's hard for them to see God's Truth.  Pray for me to keep speaking Truth in a kind, clear, concise manner!  I invited them to the outreach event and they were simply aghast!!  They were disappointed in me and I didn't hear from them for a week so I thought I'd completely offended them.  Then after the event was over they resurfaced and text me back :)

Still missing old friends and especially our old church . . . . .

Still running the race

It's been a hard week so far.  I'm not sure why but some little things have been getting me down.  Ironically, Bible Study is the most difficult.  The course of going each week and trying to make friends and sit by someone and make conversation . . . . so this week I pouted and sat by myself and no one sat by me or talked to me.  It's so difficult.  I shouldn't pout but some days I just don't have the energy to exert and make conversation and try.

When I have hard Tuesdays then I look forward to Wednesday mornings more!  Wednesday mornings is missionary day.  The sisters come and we talk, and talk.  Somethings about nothing in particular.  My neighbor still comes each time which is a huge blessing.  She can hear more about what I believe and vice versa.

This week we talked about 'Words of Wisdom'.  This is the revelation Joseph Smith received from Jesus about we shouldn't drink coffee.  Clearly JS wasn't from Washington State.  And we shouldn't drink alcohol or tea or take illegal drugs, etc.  If you'd like to read the entire revelation you can look up Doctrine and Covenants 89.  It's scripture for them you know.

The LDS library app has everything.  However, they should check that everything is spelled correctly before they publish.

At the end of the visit they challenged me with a week of living the Words of Wisdom.  I was a little stupefied.  Really??  You want me to give up coffee??  How far am I willing to go with this evangelism?  I told them I would get back to them (I have their cell phone number and we text back and forth).  So, I had my own little revelation from Jesus.  If I give up coffee (and beer--not such a big deal), they have to read a chapter of the New Testament each day.  Then we discuss what we read instead of their agenda.  Agreed!  So, here we go through Ephesians this week.  Pray for my headache that is surely to come tomorrow morning.  And pray for endurance.  I feel like this move is starting to get me down again--going through a cycle of mourning.

Oh, and if you have time, please pray for our church who is still searching for a Senior Pastor.  We have a short list that the elders is going over right now.  Lord, speed up the search!!  Give them wisdom!