Indefinite respite for LJ continues at our home. We received an e-mail last week from her CASA stating she would be with us through the new year. To make things clear, we had agreed to keep her for as long as possible if her sisters stay at a nearby foster home. But we really had not planned on Christmas. Or New Years.
I've done respite enough in Washington to know how foster kids destroy holidays. Christmas is hard on traumatized kids and try to wreck it for everyone. So I as I read the e-mail she was staying, I felt the tears come. I needed a new frame of mind and quickly. The pitiful side of me thought 'my Christmas is over'. The stubborn side of me thought 'I can do this!'. At worst she will have a raging tantrum all day (which she has proven capable of) and make at least one of us miserable (the one stuck dealing with her). At best, she might be distracted by the festivities and make it through. She seems to have no attachment to Christmas and no traditions so we might not fare too badly.
Then I thought about the spirit of Christmas. What is it really about? The presents? The tradition? My family? Not really . . . . it's about Jesus and what he did for us. He in all of his glory and splendor decided to condescend to us. The broken ones. The pitiful ones. It's like something valuable and shiny and beautiful getting shoved into a pile of stinky trash. And he chose this path knowing what was going to happen. He willingly gave up his glory to come to us.
Maybe . . . Possibly . . . . like giving up a Christmas and giving it to God.
"This is yours Lord. I want it bad. I want the whole thing for myself but since it's yours, I'm giving up control and giving it back. Do what you want with it. If it turns out bad, so be it. If it turns out great, so be it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Obedience is messy. Surrender is messy. Community is messy. But Jesus makes it perfect when it's all about Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment