Indefinite respite for LJ continues at our home. We received an e-mail last week from her CASA stating she would be with us through the new year. To make things clear, we had agreed to keep her for as long as possible if her sisters stay at a nearby foster home. But we really had not planned on Christmas. Or New Years.
I've done respite enough in Washington to know how foster kids destroy holidays. Christmas is hard on traumatized kids and try to wreck it for everyone. So I as I read the e-mail she was staying, I felt the tears come. I needed a new frame of mind and quickly. The pitiful side of me thought 'my Christmas is over'. The stubborn side of me thought 'I can do this!'. At worst she will have a raging tantrum all day (which she has proven capable of) and make at least one of us miserable (the one stuck dealing with her). At best, she might be distracted by the festivities and make it through. She seems to have no attachment to Christmas and no traditions so we might not fare too badly.
Then I thought about the spirit of Christmas. What is it really about? The presents? The tradition? My family? Not really . . . . it's about Jesus and what he did for us. He in all of his glory and splendor decided to condescend to us. The broken ones. The pitiful ones. It's like something valuable and shiny and beautiful getting shoved into a pile of stinky trash. And he chose this path knowing what was going to happen. He willingly gave up his glory to come to us.
Maybe . . . Possibly . . . . like giving up a Christmas and giving it to God.
"This is yours Lord. I want it bad. I want the whole thing for myself but since it's yours, I'm giving up control and giving it back. Do what you want with it. If it turns out bad, so be it. If it turns out great, so be it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Obedience is messy. Surrender is messy. Community is messy. But Jesus makes it perfect when it's all about Him.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Merry Christmas
It's been two months since a post! Holy Moses. Lots is happening around here.
There was nothing and then . . . holidays, foster kiddos, putting the house/garden to bed for winter . . . . go, go, go. Getting the house ready for winter took more time than we had thought. Or at least I finally admitted defeat and told Trent he had to take some time off work so we could get it all done. So he graciously did and in the time of two days, we had most of it tackled. Good thing because precisely 6 days after the sprinklers got blown out there was 6" of snow on the ground.
Our latest news is: church stuff and one extra kid. We'll start with the extra kid.
What began as 'emergency respite' has turned into 'indefinite respite'. I knew about the foster care phone calls when they say 'this placement will just be a week or two' and then six months later you still have the child. But, I've never heard of respite turning into long-term. This 4-yr-old has been interesting and definitely has taken all of our free time to corral her and teach her how to control herself. Not that we've accomplished that in three weeks but it seems a tad bit better. We've gotten more of the history in the last few days and my stomach turned. The possibilities are disgusting and explains this child's want to control everyone and everything in her path.
In the process I've learned how great my kids are. I didn't like to brag before, but now, I'm bragging. My kids are awesome. They deal with this disruption in our household like troopers. Only Morgan has gotten a little off kilter but she's starting to understand a little more, too. Jordyn cracks me up because her 6th sense has kicked in and keeps her distance from the foster child. I caught her sneaking up behind LJ (foster kiddo) and grabbing her (Jordyn's) blanket and yelling 'Mine!' at her. It's the first time I'd heard her say that word. Trent and I are trying to focus on the circumstances surrounding why she's in foster care because if we didn't, we'd be frustrated with LJ's behavior all the time and it would be hard to love her. Prayers surrounding her would be great. I believe her battle is primarily spiritual and secondarily pathological.
Church:
We had a reach out event to the LDS community and it was awesome. The most people our church has ever had in its sanctuary. It was encouraging.
Not so encouraging: no pastor. It will soon be a year that we've been without a pastor. It's hard. There's no vision, no hiring of staff (worship pastor resigned long ago and has never been replaced). Then I tried out for the worship team. The most disorganized mess I've witnessed for what was supposed to be 'auditions'. And since that time I've concluded I don't think I want to be a part of the worship team anyhow. It's a very cliquey group and the same family has been in charge for years. One new person is not going to change that, especially with no direction from leadership. So, 1990 Maranatha songs live on.
I continue to meet with the Mormon missionaries each week when our schedule allows. It's a fun and sometimes frustrating time. I love the gals but they view the Bible through their LDS lenses and it's hard for them to see God's Truth. Pray for me to keep speaking Truth in a kind, clear, concise manner! I invited them to the outreach event and they were simply aghast!! They were disappointed in me and I didn't hear from them for a week so I thought I'd completely offended them. Then after the event was over they resurfaced and text me back :)
Still missing old friends and especially our old church . . . . .
There was nothing and then . . . holidays, foster kiddos, putting the house/garden to bed for winter . . . . go, go, go. Getting the house ready for winter took more time than we had thought. Or at least I finally admitted defeat and told Trent he had to take some time off work so we could get it all done. So he graciously did and in the time of two days, we had most of it tackled. Good thing because precisely 6 days after the sprinklers got blown out there was 6" of snow on the ground.
Our latest news is: church stuff and one extra kid. We'll start with the extra kid.
What began as 'emergency respite' has turned into 'indefinite respite'. I knew about the foster care phone calls when they say 'this placement will just be a week or two' and then six months later you still have the child. But, I've never heard of respite turning into long-term. This 4-yr-old has been interesting and definitely has taken all of our free time to corral her and teach her how to control herself. Not that we've accomplished that in three weeks but it seems a tad bit better. We've gotten more of the history in the last few days and my stomach turned. The possibilities are disgusting and explains this child's want to control everyone and everything in her path.
In the process I've learned how great my kids are. I didn't like to brag before, but now, I'm bragging. My kids are awesome. They deal with this disruption in our household like troopers. Only Morgan has gotten a little off kilter but she's starting to understand a little more, too. Jordyn cracks me up because her 6th sense has kicked in and keeps her distance from the foster child. I caught her sneaking up behind LJ (foster kiddo) and grabbing her (Jordyn's) blanket and yelling 'Mine!' at her. It's the first time I'd heard her say that word. Trent and I are trying to focus on the circumstances surrounding why she's in foster care because if we didn't, we'd be frustrated with LJ's behavior all the time and it would be hard to love her. Prayers surrounding her would be great. I believe her battle is primarily spiritual and secondarily pathological.
Church:
We had a reach out event to the LDS community and it was awesome. The most people our church has ever had in its sanctuary. It was encouraging.
Not so encouraging: no pastor. It will soon be a year that we've been without a pastor. It's hard. There's no vision, no hiring of staff (worship pastor resigned long ago and has never been replaced). Then I tried out for the worship team. The most disorganized mess I've witnessed for what was supposed to be 'auditions'. And since that time I've concluded I don't think I want to be a part of the worship team anyhow. It's a very cliquey group and the same family has been in charge for years. One new person is not going to change that, especially with no direction from leadership. So, 1990 Maranatha songs live on.
I continue to meet with the Mormon missionaries each week when our schedule allows. It's a fun and sometimes frustrating time. I love the gals but they view the Bible through their LDS lenses and it's hard for them to see God's Truth. Pray for me to keep speaking Truth in a kind, clear, concise manner! I invited them to the outreach event and they were simply aghast!! They were disappointed in me and I didn't hear from them for a week so I thought I'd completely offended them. Then after the event was over they resurfaced and text me back :)
Still missing old friends and especially our old church . . . . .
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